From a Parent:

“Are we doing too much for our 10 year old?”

Dear Annie,

We have a 10-year-old daughter. I have always felt that we were good parents, but looking back, I can see now how we have over-protected her and have not required her to grow up. For instance, she won't unbutton her pants to put them on or take them off because she can't do the buttons. She will only wear slip-on sneakers because she can't tie shoes well. And...she has no interest in trying to learn these things.

She does have chores which include weekly cleaning and setting/clearing the table, but we constantly have to remind her to do these things (and then listen to her complain about it).

She has only 1 friend who she wants to do anything with outside of school. She can be quite bossy and wants to be right about everything so many of the other kids are turned off by her. She doesn't like any of the kids in the neighborhood (and they don't like her).

My husband and I still go into her school to help out and have lunch with her. We each have a day each week when we go in, so she has a parent around twice a week at school. I feel that this is probably not great for her, but I don't know how to stop it. Her teachers encourage parent participation and we enjoy being involved. I just don't know if it's the best thing for her.

As much as it kills me to say this, she can be extremely selfish and manipulative. My husband and I don't know how to relate to this because neither of us are like her at all. We have not given her an abundance of material things because we don't believe in it, but we have certainly spoiled her with time and attention.

She is a good student and does well in school, but socially she is having issues. She seems to be behind where the other kids are with social skills. She acts as though it doesn't bother her and I just worry and worry that we have ruined her.

My mom abandoned me when I was 8 and my husband's mom died when he was 7. Perhaps this is why we overdo it, but whatever the reason, I want to stop and make her grow up a bit. We really thought we were doing things right but it has backfired and now we are confused.

I don't know if I have painted a real accurate picture of what we're dealing with, but I hope you can help us. I'd be happy to provide more information if need be. Thank you for having this forum for us.

Perplexed Patty

From a Parent:

“Why isn't someone doing something about mean girls?”

Dear Annie,

I read the article you were quoted in about the Scourge of the Mean Girls (New York Daily News, December 9, 2006). Please keep spreading the news because this is a huge problem in our schools. The affect on the victims is still yet to be told of its true impact. We all have been picked on to some point but in today's reality the peer pressures and bullying have surpassed the positive reinforcements of parents, educators, religious figures and mentors telling the victim how beautiful, smart, blessed or worthy they are. None of that matters because the mean girls tell them different. How can we counter that when the heads of our children tells them we are right but their hearts and emotions say "Yeah, I hear you but so and so said such and such and therefore you are just saying that." It saddens me and I don't known how to help or combat that.

Trust me from my own personal experience with a now 17 year old teenager daughter who I can only say took all she could and experienced a breakdown the likes we did not see coming. Everyday is a form of living emotional hell... we can not help, do not know how to help and have tried everything professional, personal, religious and social services.

We the family suffer too... so now an underdeveloped bully in today's world victimizes the whole family long after the acts are committed. I could not protect mine as hard as I tried... and I know if people would be more truthful and open the numbers would blow your stats out of the water. However, for now please please keep spreading the word.

Thank you

Sad Parent